No-One Gives A Fuck About My Nightmares

But it's nothing you should worry yourself about...

I've always worried. Everyone worries. 

These past six months haven't been fun for me and probably not for anyone associated with me. Mentally I am shot to pieces. Physically I am not too crash hot either & there are warning signs everywhere that I need to make big changes to my lifestyle. 

I just don't know if I can make them. 

You know something? I'm a simple guy and I don't need much. I have a good life, in the greater scheme of things anyway. Nice Wife, Good Kids, Decent Job, fantastic trainers on ma feet, enough money to make it to the end of (most) the month. If you met me, I think you'd probably think I'm alright and a nice enough guy. Ultimately I am happy with me lot in life. 

So why am I not happy? 

I'm trying to teach myself that a good life and good people around you doesn't mean you won't feel bad sometimes. Basic and obvious but it's not an easy lesson to learn. Sometimes has become most times and I felt myself sinking so low I actually didn't want to get up. I obviously did get up and I am reminding myself that I got up and I moved on and I am getting stronger again. I've learned a valuable lesson about getting help and, more importantly probably, letting those who want to help do just that. Shutting down will only result in one outcome. 

And then the cycle starts again.

Well...

Not this time. It almost got me and I almost wanted to let it get me.  I've been given tools to deal with stress and anxiety before but I didn't want to use them (that's an admission I didn't think was true until today). The help I am getting seems easier to accept this time. Rationalising things and actually putting some though into breaking that cycle that is so damaging. That's what I am trying to do and that's were the work has been paying off. I had to face a situation this week that, had it happened three months ago, would have been catastrophic. I believe I dealt with it in the right manner and then when the dark thoughts and paranoid ideas started to creep in, I thought it through, put it into perspective and let it go. I did what was right.

This'll never last.

Maybe. I believe I am becoming strong enough to cope with what life throws at me again. I need to work hard and I need to probably give myself a break a bit. 

Maybe I can make those changes...

Here, have a song >