Nothingtosayhere

 Positivity. It's overrated.  Well, not positivity itself. 

 I Feel It All The Time Thoughts Keep Turning. It's been three months since I last engaged with the voice of my mind. Life carries on at pace, as ever. Nothing, absolutely not a sausage, happened in those last three months. So I never had any nonsense to spout. Today I am back, even though nothing happened this week either... 

There Is Always A Light  Is there daylight at the end of the tunnel, or is it a train? Cautionary optimism at what might  be a return to normal life, or at least being able to go to the shops.  Lockdown has been hard for a lot of us, everyone knows that. This lockdown (is it 2 or 3? dunno) seems to have been more frazzling than previous though and you get the impression patience has worn out. So news of kids returning to school and a vague route out of lockdown being mapped has come as welcome news, albeit with experience teaching us nothing can be taken for granted. 

  Let's Try To Spread The Good Word Generally I will moan, complain and huff at everything. I have been active here for two months now and it's something I do to vent at times. It's a good outlet.  But it can also be an outlet for good. So for once, I am going to try to share the good work that regular people do. 

 Make You Wonder Why You Even Try All that I want is to wake up fine...  Okay, that's plenty with the Paramore lyrics, aye? I have to confess to loving that song for about a month before actually hearing the story our Hayley was telling. I am not the brightest bulb on the tree. That talent to convey suffering in a very upbeat at catchy song is incredible. I wish I had a musical talent. Even a writing talent would do. 

I Tried. I Did. This WAS gonna be Today's post. Before this can be true... more work needs to be done. Getting out and about is becoming a bigger hurdle every day. So I need to address it. And I will. I promise.  I actually did go for the walk in fairness.  Pressing the Reset Button You may be reading this having recently subscribed, or maybe by following on social media. Either way I am delighted that some people have taken the time to read my recent blog posts.  I do have to say and this is something I will often say, I speak a lot of absolute rubbish at times. Sometimes though there will be the odd nugget. So let's see what today brings eh? I have been making the point about how my anxiety and stress levels are reliant on me working on myself. They don't get to be lesser, or more manageable, by simply complaining all the time, which I am prone to do.  So today is a new day and around this point you might expect a grand declaration of lifestyle changes and plans. Previous

  Something Extraordinary Has Happened That's me. Looking happy for once I am suspicious. Very sceptical. Something that I haven't really done in years is happening and I don't mind saying to you that I don't trust it one little bit.  I have opened up to people.  Ok, not in person and not, like, speaking. Still, I have opened up and shared feelings and thoughts, through this blog. It's a start isn't it and something to grow from? Well - let's not get carried away. The only growth I have actually been doing is in the beer belly department. What I did, was I shared my blog on social media and through my works social channels too. It's been something of a relief to do, even though I haven't had a lot of responses or feedback. It's out there and while people could judge, I am happy to have done it and I would be over the moon if someone said it helped in some small way.  So, why be suspicious? This feeling wont last and I will come crashing back down

 Today I am going to try being serious.  I want to address something that might be on the mind of a lot of people.  Okay. Let's see how this goes.  First off, I want to say, off the back of my last blog post, I am trying to be more accepting of people being publicly positive. If it motivates you then all power to you. Different strokes and all that.  However...  I want to be clear straight off here. I don’t have any right answers and I’m not experienced in how best to support others with mental health issues. I just have opinions, based on my own issues    Motivation at its best So here we go   Being a positive influence, encouraging and supporting friends can sometimes stray into pushing too hard. Putting too much pressure on someone and turning them off or worse, turning them inside themselves so that they shut off or shut people out. For me, you need to be careful. What may start out with good intentions can easily become shaming. I don't entirely know how to word this witho

 Don’t Bottle Things Up Sometimes when I’m tired I feel anxious. Every time I am anxious I get really very tired. Anxiety and stress have been part of my life for 10 years now (well, to the extent they have an impact on my life). Usually I know why that is and because of that I sort of know what needs to be done to ease or relieve the feelings. For the last week or so I have been really anxious off and on and I really can’t offer reasons or explanations. That’s saw me doing something that I know I shouldn’t. That anyone who suffers or has supported a sufferer will tell you is a massive red flag.  I’m pretending that it’s not happening.  Every source of knowledge on any mental health issue will tell you that it does no good to bottle things up and keep to yourself. The best solution is always to talk to someone. Share any fears and problems.  So what I’m doing is stupid isn’t it? So let this be a precautionary notice.  When you’re as low as you get and you don’t know how to get back int

It's Not As Bad As You Think, Honestly.  I joked the other day that there should be a new social media platform, where all positivity is banned and any attempt at using 'mindfulness' or other such buzzwords would result in immediate removal. A kind of utopia for miserable bastards like me. What I am basically looking at there is creation of my own wee fiefdom where it's my way or no way.  I reckon that would be fun for some of you, for all of about 15 minutes before you realised you would rather silently judge Judy for her toxic positivity cos my rotten patter isn't clever or funny. So I will just continue with letting any old nonsense tumble out onto this page. I'm saying all this like I was actually going to create a new social media platform? I have neither the ability nor the drive required to do anything like that.  For no reason, other than it's a stone cold classic, here is a song.  After that musical interlude, I shall make my point.  That song, alon

Daily struggles between getting better and resisting being better.  For every day that goes by, where I tell myself I need to snap out of it. Get the walking shoes on, actually leave the house. Be a productive member of society. For all of that... There are a million thoughts of why not. From comforting myself to downright lies. Just not for me this exercise and healthy living patter. Quite aside from the physical health benefits of getting out and exercising, which I am pretty much at a point where it's going to be medically necessary. I know, as I am sure everyone does, that mentally I will be so much better off but, as I say, I know what I am. Hypocrisy is a pretty stupid thing, regardless of the form it takes. My own particular hypocritical behaviour is only bad for me. If you asked me for any advice on fitness regimes, or weight loss, I wouldn't try to pretend I know an awful lot but I can point you at loads of resources for help with anything from changing eating habits t

 After everything in my last post. Which was essentially just a whine about feeling down. I want to create something that maybe actually helps me make sense of where I am and what I’m feeling.  So what am I feeling? Well, probably best to describe my current state of mind as confused. I said before that I don’t know what anxiety and the D word actually mean to me. I know what I’m supposed to do to change things and get out of my ‘rut’ but why do I get caught in the same cycle year after year?  Do you ever think about life, or elements of life and wonder if I’d known away back then what I know now things would be different? I’m not saying that I had a hard childhood or traumatic experiences. What I had though was anger issues. Frustration and anger.  If, when I was 15/16, I knew the feelings of stress and anxiety and what they do to me, situations would probably have been different. Would I have been different? Hopefully not. However, I do think being better equipped earlier in life wou

 I've done this before, so many times.  I started this post as a sort of stream of consciousness, to see where it would lead, because I am beginning to stay awake again. Thoughts are racing and I am staring at the ceiling again. The thoughts I keep pushing back, or  more truthfully, pushing to the forefront of my mind at times when I should be doing the opposite. Is something wrong?  Am I compensating? Am I actually falling down again or do I just want to? Maybe its as simple as everyone does this, nothing out of the ordinary. We all tell ourselves everything is good or will be good. Don't we? It's a normal human reaction to kid ourselves a wee bit, convince ourselves. You  can  get through hard times... put on a happy face! This is the thing that keeps me awake. Everything, well everything outside of lockdown or COVID, is good. So why am I so manic? What is it that has me on edge and feeling so tense, making me hyper. Or is it nothing? Maybe I am looking for something that