There Is Always A Light

Is there daylight at the end of the tunnel, or is it a train?

Cautionary optimism at what might be a return to normal life, or at least being able to go to the shops.

Lockdown has been hard for a lot of us, everyone knows that. This lockdown (is it 2 or 3? dunno) seems to have been more frazzling than previous though and you get the impression patience has worn out. So news of kids returning to school and a vague route out of lockdown being mapped has come as welcome news, albeit with experience teaching us nothing can be taken for granted.

I've been getting out more this week, with the weather being fairly calm and dry. Back on the golf course, where I continue to be as bad as I was before lockdown. It's nice being out there though, talking rubbish, passing time and keeping myself from throwing golf clubs at trees! It is true that getting out and about in fresh air does you good. Strangely... the other pastime I have gone back to with great enthusiasm this week, playing records, might threaten to keep me in...

Music, Football and Golf. You would think I would be decent at one of them. But no...

Happier times at Cappielow Park

Sadly I am too old to play football properly now, not that I was that good to start with. A Sunday league footballer turned high handicapper golfer and a music fan with absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, unless listening is a talent? No? No.

Football, from a watching brief at the moment, is just not the same. The spirit and heart isn't there without the fans. Watching English football has become a chore as it's just wall to wall (never thought I would say that). It is amazing though, how much football means and how much so many of us miss it. Now, as a Morton fan that just about shows the masochistic tendencies (which following Scotland also brings out) but being at the football, with my mate or brother and son, is more than just whether Morton win, which is lucky cos we are absolutely honking the place out just now. Anyway, pre match meet up and possible post match pint, the camaraderie is well documented and people far more intelligent then I have discussed it. It's just another thing that helps keep me grounded.

A Good Walk Spoiled...

But who wouldn’t love this view

Since no longer being able to play football, I have done the odd spot of running, mainly for raising charity funds but I do not have the required body shape to be a runner. Once I stopped doing anything that is when my mental health really began to suffer. And that is when I really should have taken up some other hobbies. As my general mood and outlook got worse, I retreated into myself. Only really doing things planned in advance (although too far in advance and I would talk myself out of it). When it was getting so bad I couldn't go to work and barely wanted to even get out of bed, I decided I wanted to try my hand at golf. I don't know why but it just seemed a logical thing to get me out of the house and also get fresh air, and it can't be that difficult, can it?

Such a foolish boy...

The views from Gourock GC are amazing

Golf is very, very hard. I have been playing for just about three years now and I am genuinely only a wee bit better than when I started out. The thing is though, I don't mind that at all. When I played football, even at Sunday league level, I always hated not playing well, struggling. A feeling that got more and more frustrating as I became less fit and more out of shape. Knowing that someone is only getting the better of me because I am fat and unfit infuriated me (not enough to get in shape and fit mind). So playing golf... making an absolute James Hunt of things, never playing two good shots in a row? Somehow it never bothers me. I know I am a bad golfer and I am content with that. I actually love golf. I might be a bit obsessed.

Music, makes the people come together.

Now, the one thing that has been a constant since I was a young teenager has been the music. Again, I am sure many, many more intelligent people have discussed the impact and effect of music on mood and mental health. So all I will say is, usually it really helps me. Not always but mostly.

I would happily spend all day every day listening to music and going to gigs but music was something else that fell by the wayside when I was low. When I couldn't be bothered to do anything at all, including choosing an album to listen to. I recall thinking 'maybe I have fallen out of love with music' or maybe, because I had been writing reviews for a website, I had bored myself too much with talking rubbish about it, again I was pretty obsessive about writing for the website. Pretty much always looking for something else to review. Albums, gigs, singles, videos, anything. So possibly I was overdoing it to the point of becoming sick of it?

I stopped writing for the website but the feeling didn't really go away. I still went to gigs but mainly as an excuse to get several beers with my mate. The music was just missing something.

Sometimes, when there is no-one to blame, it's cos you are to blame.

So when I faced up to things. When I started to exercise, take the medication, talk to people. All the things I knew I had to do for ages... The music came back. It's never gone away since. Recent acquisition of some quality speakers has brought the record player back out and I am loving it. I am sure I will slow down on the spending on records soon too (honest) and it's just... just making me feel so much better. I think letting it all flow out in this blog started a chapter that I hope continues. For the first time in possibly three years I am optimistic and I am happy. Happy enough to spam you with a handful of pictures from gigs over the years. There are a lot more, some more embarrassing then below and some not - The confidence of youth I suppose.

So, now that there is that light at the end of the tunnel, let's get the gigs back on the go eh?

Unless it actually is a train...